Here is a photo of Kevin & I outside a music arena as we were heading inside to hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform. I keep forgetting my observations as I want to record them. I guess I need to physically transfer them to paper 1st.

Less than 2 weeks until we are wed.

Minute details are swirling in front of me.

Soon we will be aboard the plane to Italy.

So I leave with a photo.

wedding month

17 days until I am married. It is a dream to marry your best friend.

As I was jogging this morning listening to my usual NPR podcasts which generally focus on books, religion, & music, I found myself inspired to keep a record of what I hear that snags my thoughts.
Alan Alda was speaking about his recent memoir things i overheard while talking to myself. He quoted Marcus Aurelius--'confine yourself to the present'. I think that was it. Alda applied it to living in the NOW. Now is now--in 5 seconds it will be gone & of the past.
Making the most of your time here on earth is what comes to my mind. How often I forget when I indulge in self-pity, quick to anger, or lack compassion.

bookstores

It is Friday the 12th of October. Almost a month from the wedding. I have noticed my excitement building the closer the ceremony day becomes with each passing month.

Yesterday I shopped @ Mckay's (a huge local used bookstore) & discovered several books I had to rescue for my care. Most were classics including a 1st ed. of "The Winter of our Discontent" by John Steinbeck...though it may a 2nd ed. Collecting books particularly classic hardbacks is a passion of mine. Having just yesterday concluded reading 'Jane Eyre', I was hungry for my next book.
I feel like I have very little to write today. Truly, I am waiting for the clock hour hand to touch 4pm so I may leave this job of boredom & relish my weekend.

'The Marriage Builder'

As my wedding is less than 2 months away, our pastoral counselor, Gary Purdy, is having us read 'The Marriage Builder' by Dr. Larry Crabb. As I avoid self help books in general for I am drawn to fiction or nonfiction, I found it difficult to concentrate on the words & absorb their meaning. Yet, I made progress & picked up some excellent jewels...simple but oh so helpful.

1. Whenever the goal of our behavior is essentially to change the other person--whether the change is good or bad--we are wrong. Unless there is the purpose of communicating love based on an awareness ofour spouses' needs, we qualify as manipulators, not ministers.

2. I cannot add to the fact of my husband's security, but I can add to his feelings of security.

3. Until I am aware of that my needs are ALREADY met in Christ, I will be motivated by emptiness to meet my needs. When I truly know this I can give out of my fullness in Christ.

4. The stain of selfcenteredness requires many washings before it no longer controls our motivation.

5. When an emotion arises within us, acknowledge to ourselves & God how we feel allowing ourselves to inwardly feel the emotion. Then emotional expression is legitimate only when it does not conflict w/our fulfilling God's purposes.

Ok that is all I feel like typing now.

We interrupt this program or rather blog
...to bring you some random facts. I was "tagged" by Marianna in a blogging game, so here goes.
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of their blog, they need to choose people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my 8 weird facts/habits--

1. I shake my bath towel out before I use it as to avoid any yesterday hairs clinging to me as I wipe off my showered body. Hair (even mine) creeps me out! That is why I plan to chop my locks after the wedding.

2. To quell my anxiety about leaving a house with a possible running toilet, I stare into the bowl convincing myself that the water is tranquil & no sound emits. It always is tranquil & soundless, but I must convince myself.

3. I used to receive a box of Grape Nuts cereal for every birthday. My roommate in college even continued this tradition 1 year. It has been awhile now.

4. I must pee right before I slip into bed as guided by my childhood fear of wetting the bed.

5. Another hair oddity--I collect my fallen out long hair by sticking it to the shower wall as I wash it as to avoid a clog!

6. I absolutely love old films and Columbo.

7. I lived in Santa Cruz, Bolivia for 4 years as a child. My parents were missionaries--my father created a Christian bookstore (still thriving today) & my mom taught kindergarten.

8. I was a cheerleader for 2 years then began my volleyball & basketball 'career'. Anyone who knows me now would never ever believe that I was possessed by the cheering bug.

So you can conclude that most of my 8 are related to OCD. ;~)

more than average

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." --Mark Twain

Why is it that I think I am meant for mediocrity? I strived ardently in high school & college to do my very best. To then end up an assistant librarian @ a local hospital. This is what I believe my life has become...average. Yet I say 'end up' as if I am circling a death pool. Now, at any moment, my last breath will touch the air around me, but I am STILL here--now. So I too can become great if I believe more than just average. There are several steps I want to take in life...

1. partake in a drawing class
2. learn calligraphy
3. dance lessons
4. piano lessons
5. become confident
6. read the Bible all the way
7. keep reading books
8. be less mean

Well the list can go on, but I do not care to minimize this list by making it too long.

It is particularly healthy for me today to see that I do have goals besides the normal ones...get married, have kids, find a better job, etc...

Speaking of jobs, I am so very bored @ my current job. I was spoiled for 10 years working 3 twelve hour shifts per week...now I trudge to the library 5 days a week...to fill a stapler, check out a book, answer stupid questions, fix the jammed copier, etc...though I do like my coworkers & have learned some very interesting medical 'things'. I greatly miss my old job...today I can cry over it. 'The grass is always greener' mentality is preferrably seen as green grass with holes & brown dead spots. My other job as a unit clerk on a labor & delivery floor was very stressful, but I WAS MOVING. Now I am sedentary & unmotivated. I need movement. Movement needs me.

That's all.

Oh my goodness. I have intended to write several times...now those moments are lost. But I still have today. Only 35 more minutes to pass until I can swipe my name badge & stroll into the draining heat of Chattanooga. All day I have thought about the lunar eclipse I viewed while jogging this morning. The moon was brightly visible as a smiling crescent & slowly the earth overcame it...it was softly glowing pale. I kept gazing at it...then after I passed some taller architectural structures I was actually disappointed to have lost it in the clouds that had overtaken the western sky. But it was beautiful. I know that God is always alive, but He is very real in his omnipotence when these acts of nature occur.

So some time has passed by as it always does when our earth continues to rotate. I do not want it to stop...rotating, I mean. I am here @ work @ the library. Slower day but will be driving my nearly dead Jeep home in less than an hour. Kevin will be there to greet me...I imagine him sitting in his normal spot on the couch where he likes to work, read, & watch TV. I don't have anything in particular to say today. I was listening to a podcast as I slowly jogged my 6 miles early this morning. NPR has wonderful literature downloads which for me lately has been what keeps my feet moving ahead as I jog. I feel like quitting jogging. But back to my podcast..it is called 'selected shorts'...btwn 2-4 short stories are read....this particular show featured Julie Otsuko ('When the Emperor was Divine') who read the 1st chapter of her upcoming novel '1919'...a large group of Japanese women were sailing across the Pacific to America to encounter their American husbands....they were purchased brides anticipating a better life in America rather than in the rice paddies. It will be a must read when finally published. Terry Gross of Fresh Air interviews Frank Owen author of 'No Speed Limit...'--a history of methamphetamine. My jog concluded with only hearing the 1st part of the interview...intriguing that docs prior to 1970 prescribed this drug for multiple reasons...depression, parkinson's, etc...so I anticipate the rest of the interview manana when I exercise.
that's all.

The weekend is another brick of the past. Delved deeper into the wedding planning w/my parents over a taco dinner @ their house. Kevin & I grilled his ribs, & this time they were edible. 2.75 hours were spent in the movies theater viewing Pirates 3. Focus on the length of time. So a rather pleasant weekend. Today my father receives some more back injections for his transverse myelitis. I think the medication is steriodal?
My mom is meeting me following work to drive to a potential florist. I am fighting this whole wedding planning. The less stress alternative sees Kevin & I marrying in Italy w/honeymoon to follow barring our vows are honored. Then flip flop I want to meet him @ the end of the aisle to exchange our vows in front of family & friends. So I have to keep positive. Mind over matter. My mind tends to bend & break depending on the situation. I am working on me...famous unfulfilled words! No, really, baby steps & saying I am OK for progress or digress made.

My very 1st post. My dreams have lately been memorable, a 1 sentence description, & a result from anxiety. My last involved me sitting @ a desk & being told to catheterize myself. I generally awaken btwn 0300 & 0400 to then dream as I sleep off & on until my 2 alarms jerk me awake. Why am I anxious?
Kevin (fiance) drives to Atlanta today with his brother to see the Kings of Leon @ the Tabernacle...a venue that is both cool in architecture but hot in temperature. We caught the Roots there a little late & winded our way to the balcony. Stagnant air & crowded. It is my least favorite concert thus far.
Why turtle?
I viewed the PBS special on a loggerhead's approx. 1.5 year solitary journey from Mexico to Japan to lay her eggs. Her perseverance (innate) & slow, fluid movement were beautifully inspiring. She knew for the sake of her life & offspring, she could not give up life no matter the difficulty or treachery that lay in her path. She kept forward motion. That is living.